Pairs
by crimsonrosepetals
Summary: Oneshot. Mostly crack. A conversation about tops, bottoms, Seigaku, Fudomine, St. Rudolph, Yamabuki and Hyotei regulars, and nearly everything in between. May be considered mainly TezuFuji, but includes more pairings.


Title: Pairs

Author: crimsonrosepetals

Rating: PG-13

Pair/s: Many different true/false pairings – mostly well-known ones.

Warning: Crack. Absolutely. Not even well-written enough to be taken seriously.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Notes: Hello readers! First ever Prince of Tennis fiction: a very hastily done, poorly-written and crack-potted one but despite of this, please be nice anyway and review after reading and keep your flames to yourselves onegaishumasu. Have pity on the newbie who knows absolutely nothing outside the anime. Thank you.

XXX

"Hmmm..." Satoshi Horio crossed his arms, closed his eyes, and thought the hardest he had ever in his entire life. In front of him sat Katsuo Mizuno in the same position, thinking nearly as hard. Kachiro Kato was beside him, looking first at Horio, then at Katsuo and then back again at Horio as if watching two players continuously returning volleys to each other.

"I've got it!" Horio snapped his fingers at the conclusion he reached. The other two freshmen looked at him and waited for his judgement. "It would be Kaido-senpai. Definitely." His companions contemplated on this for a moment, then hesitantly agreed. It made sense...somewhat, that Momo-chan-senpai wouldn't have won in this debate.

"Ne, what about Kaido-senpai?" Tomoko Osakada, self-proclaimed number one Ryoma Fangirl, and her best friend Sakuno Ryuzaki approached the three boys, eager to find out what exactly they were discusssing. Mr. Two years of tennis experience grinned cheekily and held up a sheet of paper. There written were the names of the regulars of Seishun Gakuen and some more from the other schools, arranged neatly in two columns.

"Eh?!?!" Their coach's granddaughted blushed as she stared at the first name in the first column. "Anou...Ryoma-san wouldn't...not against Yuuta-san..." Her companion exclaimed rather loudly at the thought.

"Actually, he would be. Ryoma-sama would never let anyone - especially Yuuta-san - be top, ne?" Tomoko said.

"Maa, maa, that would be if he could help it." countered Horio. "True, Echizen-kun would prefer to be seme and there would be very few people who could dominate him. But if he were set up with, for example, Tezuka-buchou, Fuji-senpai, Momo-chan-senpai or Kaido-senpai, he would have no choice but to be bottom." At each name, the green-clad boy pointed at the other names in the left column that were on the same line as Ryoma's, which was now on the right.

Sakuno blushed a shade deeper after every name. "Why are you guys talking about these things anyway?" she exclaimed, mortified at the thought of Ryoma and...she shook her head.

"Because it's fun!" exclaimed the arrogant boy while his two allies just grinned sheepishly. Tomoko just had to agree.

"Yeah, it kind of is..." she contemplatively said, then she lighted up a bit. "Ne, it's just for fun Sakuno-chan! It's not like Ryoma's actually with...Shinji-san!!!" this time, she doubled up because of uncontrollable laughter. The braided girl first cringed, before considering that it might not be that bad. At least between the two of them, Ryoma-kun would still be top.

"Saa, saa, I've got a pair!" Kachiro exclaimed. "What about Oishi-senpai and Kikumaru-senpai?"

"Oishi-senpai would top, definitely." answered Katsuo. The others nodded and then Tomoka wrote the names down in the respective categories.

"How 'bout Atobe-san and Tezuka-buchou?"

"Tezuka-buchou's seme"

"Tezuka-buchou and Yukimura-san?"

"Maa, I don't think Yukimura-san would dare betray Sanada-san."

"Eh? You think Sanada-san is the seme between the two of them?"

"Well, yeah, he looks a lot tougher..."

"Ah! Kirihara-san and Fuji-senpai? Who would be seme?"

"Guys, be nice; Fuji-senpai would never..."

"Then, how about Mizuki-san and Fuji-senpai?"

"Fuji-senpai wouldn't even give him the time of day..."

"Momo-senpai and Kamio-kun?"

"Momo-senpai...but Kamio-kun has Ann Tachibana..."

"Ne, how about Dan-kun and Ryoma-kun?"

"Hands down Ryoma-sama!"

"Hehe...if Akutsu-san doesn't kill him first before trying to take away what belongs to him..."

"Eh!? They're –"

"Yeah! It's really obvious, with the way Dan-kun keeps on talking about him, even when he's trying to beat Ryoma-kun…"

"Inui-senpai and Kaido-senpai?"

"Inui-senpai" they decided unanimously.

By this time, several tennis club members had joined in the debate. Even Ryoma and Momoshiro and some other regulars like Kaido, Inui and Kikumaru were there. Momoshiro and Kaido had begun to argue again because the freshmen chose Kaido as the seme. Ryoma wasn't quite sure if he wanted to blush, frown or smirk as he read his name a couple of times in the first column paired up with various people, and very few time the other way around. Kikumaru was smiling secretively at a blushing Oishi and Inui-senpai could be heard muttering to himself as he wrote away on his notebook. The others began suggesting other couples.

"Sengoku-san and Momoshiro-kun?"

"Momoshiro wouldn't let anyone dominate him that easily…"

"Akutsu-san and Kawamura-senpai?"

"Ne, I thought we already agreed that Akutsu-san and Dan-kun are an item?"

"Yuuta-kun and Fuji-senpai?"

"Eww, that's just disgusting."

"Tezuka-kun and Tachibana-san?"

"Ne, I don't think that's possible…"

"Arai-kun and Echizen?"

"Ne, I thought Arai liked the other freshman, Kach – mmmpph!!!!"

"Who else would be seme…between Shishido-san and Oishi-kun?"

"Oishi-kun is more of an uke…."

"Isn't Shishido-san with Ootori-kun?"

"Fuji-senpai and Kawamura-senpai?"

"…do we consider burning-mode Kawamura-senpai?"

"Kikumaru-senpai and Fuji-senpai?"

"Fuji-senpai is seme"

"Jirou-kun and Fuji-senpai?"

"Fuji-senpai"

"Naa, I thought Jirou-kun and Atobe-san were –"

"Tachibana-san and Fuji-senpai?"

"Fuji-senpai"

"Maa, Fuji-senpai is seme with anyone!"

"Even with Atobe-san?"

"With _anyone!_"

"Oh yeah? Then how about with Tezuka-buchou?"

Everyone blinked. Now that _was_ the question. Who would it be? Everyone stopped whatever they were doing; Kaido and Momo let go of each other, Kachirou and Arai looked up, both still blushing but seemingly forgetting the earlier slip-up by one of Arai's friends (for now.) Even Ryoma paused and placed his ponta down on the bench Horio and the other freshmen were sitting on (where he got the ponta, no one ever found out). The all started thinking, weighing the two sides carefully, meticulously in their minds. Everything stilled and all became silent.

Then all hell broke loose.

"Well, Tezuka is the captain –"

"Yeah, but it's not like Fuji would let himself be bottom easily –"

"But there is an 87 percent chance of Tezuka not yielding control"

"There isn't anyone who would ever make buchou yield control. Not anyone!"

"But Fuji can be really persuasive if he wants to, nya!"

"Fsssccchuuuu…"

"As if that helps Mamushi!!"

"Kono –

This was how the tussle began; with everyone defending their sides of the debate both verbally and physically. None of them noticed the piece of paper being blown away from its place on the desk and landing before two newcomers. Neither did they notice the taller one pick it up and scan through its contents quickly. They did hear the very soft yet incredibly earth-shaking clearing of their buchou's throat.

They all froze.

Tezuka Kunimitsu stood at the gate of the tennis court, solid as a wall and rather irascible, cleching the chart in his left hand. The tiny vein popping at the side of his head sent alarm bells ringing in the heads of the ones he was now very lividly glaring at. At his side stood Fuji Syuusuke trying, and succeeding with much effort, to keep threatening laughter behind his smile (though even his smile today seemed…off.)

"50 laps around the courts" Tezuka barked at the group of tennis players. They all sprang to their feet and ran much faster than if the hounds of hell were chasing them. Tezuka then turned to his companion. "I'd like to have a light rally. Care to join me, Fuji?"

"Hai, buchou."

XXX

Much later, as Fuji and Tezuka stood outside the gates of Seigaku, preparing to go home, the tennis genius turned to his captain and smiled. "Ne, Tezuka. Who would be seme?"

The way the light shone on them made the glasses opaque, not allowing him to see the blue eyes behind the lenses. But he saw the slowly-forming predatory grin on the taller male's lips.

"Mochiron…"said Tezuka, as he leaned in and whispered the answer into Fuji's mouth.

XXX

Reviews are welcome, but kindly keep your flames to yourselves.


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